Thoughts and Belief Systems that Attract the A*Hole…
Relationships that leave us wondering “Why ME?!” can come in many partner forms:
Narcissistic, Abusive, Self-Absorbed, or maybe just not the right fit.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of “But I’m a nice person, so why me?” What’s not so easy is accepting your role in the whole thing.
You see, in order to even attract this person, you have to be a vibrational match. The old addage of “Opposites Attract”, universally, is incorrect. What maybe appears to be opposites are instead possibly our mirrors, reflecting similar beliefs/doubts/or worries, but presenting themselves in a manner we don’t recognize.
Now if you’re fresh out of a relationship with someone who was just awful, DON’T read too much into the above! If you want to believe you have NOTHING in common, that’s totally cool (for now ;)).
You can still get out of this dreaded pattern so that you can FINALLY call in the lovers of your dreams!
Follow these simple guidelines:
Stop Focusing on what you DON’T want. Thoughts become things, so you must focus on what you DO want in a relationship. When things feel shitty, note it and flip the script! “I hate that he leaves as soon as we’re done having sex!” becomes “I love when he brings me breakfast in bed after staying the night after the wildest lovemaking of my life!”
Don’t INTERNALIZE it. There’s nothing wrong with YOU. If you’re sitting there thinking “What did I do wrong?” and thinking “Maybe my hair is too short, maybe I talked too much, maybe I was too honest”.. STAHP! While I don’t go into it on the video, feel free to flip the scrip there, as well. “My perfect partner loves my short hair, my honesty, and my gabby mouth!”
Call your power back to YOU. Start with the awareness surrounding your experience: That didn’t feel good (the way they treated me.) That’s a “NO.” And DECIDE that you have the power to change your behavior the next time you encounter that. Give yourself permission to ask yourself: What feels good in a relationship? What do I want to keep?
It can be really painful when you feel trapped in an unloving pattern to step back and not only take ownership (excluding areas like abuse,) but it’s also a key to a new beginning. Realize that holding on to that anger is only hurting and trapping you. Instead, remember that everything that person did to make you feel like crap is now only HELPING you to get more detailed and MORE clarity on what you TRULY want!
So here’s a fun part. I want you to do a little journaling. Ask yourself:
*What do I fear if I do/don’t enter a longterm relationship?
*What do I fear if I do/don’t have children?
*What do I fear about my business in dating someone?
You will quickly become aware of your vibrations and thoughts too subtle to pick up on before, and might now be able to recognize the mirror factor. (Aka Dude that left right after sex and never had time for you because of “work?” He was mirroring your fear of how a relationship would affect your career and freedom lifestyle.)
Now you know what you don’t want, you get to get specific on what you DO want. And… this is SO fun, guys. Essentially create your very own romance novel, written by you and for you. Fantasize. Feel it. Envision it.
And now that you’re in your sexy space, go out and meet your dream boat! They’re out there waiting for you, too! ;)
Or, if you’re feeling a bit jaded or lost, check out the video below for more guidance. Xo